Not going to Plan

Hey

Have spent much of the xmas period up until now just about paying for all the things i have been getting up to through poker instead of pushing on into the higher stakes which i know i should be in right now. But i need some more application to even think about it.

I have been playing a lot less recently through lethargy and just wanting to play the playstation 3 instead with no real great will to carry on playing. The main reason for this is that i am not liking poker right now as much as i used to. This being as i am playing much lower than i would like and the lack of the profit i was once used to starts to aggrevate me and sometimes this leaves me playing a break even game through tilt.

I am writing now to try and address the problem and calm down a little, set myself a gameplan and stick to it. The end goal is to have £10000 in the bank so i can play all the the euro tournies (10e-$100) i want and feel ultra comfortable with every play i make knowing that i never have to be results orientated because i have so much money to fall back on. At the moment i am banking on lower limit sngs to get me through the struggle i find myself in, and its going ok. However i find myself getting bored and putting in no where near as many hours as i used to. I used to do 10+ a day easily loving every minute of it, but now im struggling to piece together 4 hours and with that i am not even playing that well.

Have had quite a few things happen to me over the period i was absent from blogging that i will shed light on within the next posts, nothing serious, but some quite funny all the same. Was tempted to do a mega post with all i shud have posted in the two months i wasn't writing but thought i would like to save you guys lengthened boredom.

One reason i wasn't blogging was because i thought i wasn't doing it right and im not. All so random and unorganised, no real planning involved, just a sort of stream of poker-related conciousness. I never know what i am going to write in the next sentence i just sort of scribe and see what happens. Will address this in later posts but for now i would like to relish in the laziness that is my current writing style and look forward to feeling better about all future posts. No idea why i thought i should share that with you and my insecurity here must be blinding!

Anyway, i think my approach to the game is what is most at fault at the moment. I am remembering the days of my former relative glory of having a £10K+ roll and taking it easy, pretty much crushing life along the way and its this that makes me remain in the doldrums of false starting with any roll i try to build. I think back constantly to the mistakes i have done and this aggrevates me and therefore affects the poker play i am doing currently.

Just an issue of manning up really, learning from mistakes and examining what i need to do to avoid the "i could have made it" tag i am placing on myself as if i have no chance of fully recouperating. I see my mate F3nix35 pushing on with his tourney success and knowing i could have been in the same spot if i was equally careful in bankroll management but c'est la vie i wasn't and i am where i am now. There we go again another thought that has me slightly agitated! lol.

I think its a matter on getting into a daily routine to crush the online lower stakes sngs that will help me push on. Go gym an hour a day, take regular breaks away from the comp, feel good about the profit i am making and be safe in the knowledge it takes little steps to make big goals. There is a rushing element in me that wants everything now and its in that i have in the past made so much money so quickly but the pitfall of doing things too fast is that you can lose the money just as quickly.

Lesson really here is to just enjoy my poker within the comfort of good br management and hopefully with my skill (if i have got any or if the games are so tough now that its all break even stuff lol) i can pussh on slowly into the promised land of going back to the multis, where no one can say anything against, that i am an above average player.

Cheers.